Return to Krista's Korner

"Each of us must come to care about everyone else's children. We must recognize that the well being of our own children is intimately linked to the well being of all other people's children. After all, when one of our children needs life-saving surgery, someone else's child will perform it. When one of our children is harmed by violence, someone else's child will commit it. The good life for our own children can be secured only if it is also secured for all other people's children. But to work for the well being of all children is not just a practical matter-- it is also right!" - Lilian G. Katz, Phd.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

How do I Feel?

For the first time since I have put my life back together post-divorce, I have chosen to fail a class. I realized this weekend, as I was struggling to catch up with all my assignments, etc from the back injury and general chaos of this semester that I was not going to come out of the class with a decent grade. And for that grade, I was going to have to work day and night. I don't mind hard work, but I also have an internship to salvage, as well as two other classes that can not be repeated. I can repeat research next semester.

So, having carefully thought this out, and making a rational decision, why do I feel so sick to my stomach? I will still manage to at least finish this chapter of my academic career, and the break between classes will help me get over this severe depression and back into the groove.

I really shouldn't be so hard on myself. Let's see- I am dealing with personal medical and pain issues, Konal's behavior, my depression from being injured again, the constant staff changes, the fact that they are requiring me to be more hands on with Konal in the evenings, my responsibilities with the Family Involvement Center and Magellan, taking care of the household, and even though this was mentioned before, it bears repeating: Every single day, I do not want to get out of bed. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to be here. I called my psych a few weeks ago requesting therapy again, and they never called me back.

So, now I am struggling. I will make it, but the problem is, right now I don't even want to.