And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Who do you say that I am?" And behold, a Unitarian among them answered and said, "You are the kerygma behind all myths. You are the incarnate Logos. You are of one substance and coeternal with the Father, or the Mother, as the case may be. You are the eruption of eternity into the space-time continuum." And Jesus looked at the Unitarian and said, "What the heck is that?!"
A Unitarian is just a Quaker with Attention Deficit Disorder.
What is a Unitarian Universalist? An atheist with children.You might be a UU if . . .
- you have ever been in an argument over whether or not breast milk is vegan.
- when you dress for a formal evening out you wear a little black dress, pearls--and Birkenstocks (and your wife thinks you look great!)
- you are unsure about the gender of God.
- you own six pairs of Birkenstocks and your favorite pair needs to be thrown away.
- you get Newt Gingrich confused with the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
- the money you sent to the Sierra Club last year was more than you spent on your mother at Christmas.
- you think the Holy Trinity is "reduce, reuse and recycle."
- you study the "ten suggestions" instead of the "Ten Commandments."
- the only time "Jesus" is mentioned at church is when someone trips or stubs a toe.
- your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend's house "I'll remember to say my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' but I'm not going to say that dinner 'pledge of alliegance'."The four UU sacraments are:
- Memorial Service
Religious Holy Books:
- Judaism The Torah
- Islam The Koran
- Christianity The Bible
- Unitarian Universalism Roberts' Rules of Order
In, Of Human Bondage, Somerset Maugham said: A Unitarian very earnestly disbelieves in almost everything that anybody else believes, and he has a very lively sustaining faith in he doesn't quite know what.
We UU’s are so committed to process that if we had to form a firing squad we would arrange ourselves in a circle.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac UU with a dyslexic? Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
A Unitarian Universalist was worried, and confided to another UU, "I want to invite a friend to the Sunday service, but our minister uses that J-word so much I'm afraid it will make my friend feel uncomfortable." “When has our minister ever mentioned Jesus?" asked the other. "I meant 'Justice'."