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"Each of us must come to care about everyone else's children. We must recognize that the well being of our own children is intimately linked to the well being of all other people's children. After all, when one of our children needs life-saving surgery, someone else's child will perform it. When one of our children is harmed by violence, someone else's child will commit it. The good life for our own children can be secured only if it is also secured for all other people's children. But to work for the well being of all children is not just a practical matter-- it is also right!" - Lilian G. Katz, Phd.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Sex and an 11 year old

Konal is starting puberty. That is not an easy thing to acknowledge or face, especially with his additional challenges. Any 11 year old boy would be reluctant to take to his mother about those changes, but Konal takes that lack of communication to a whole new level. So now it is time to hit the books. I checked out a couple of books from the library, then hit amazon to check out what is available for boys. I wanted a comprehensive and factual book, that covered the uncomfortable topics as well as the comfortable ones, not to mention to have enough titillating (to an eleven year old) pictures that he would actually pick it up an read them.

The first I got from the library was: Changes in you and me : a book about ...
Author: Bourgeois, Paulette.
Publisher: Andrews and McMeel, c1994. (Yes, I am cutting and pasting- I love electronic management systems)
as well as What's going on down there? : Answers...
Author: Gravelle, Karen.
Publisher: Walker and Co., c1998.
and The what's happening to my body? book...
Author: Madaras, Lynda.
Publisher: Newmarket Press, c2000.

I really don't have a review of them yet, except to say that he read them, and was very appreciative that I got them. But because this is not a one time thing, I then followed it up at Amazon, so we can have references around the house for him.

From them I got:
It's Perfectly Normal : Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health [Paperback]
By: Robie H. Harris, Michael Emberley (Illustrator)
Sold by:

1 of: What's Going on Down There? : Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask [Paperback]
By: Karen Gravelle, et al
Sold by:

1 of: Let's Talk About S-E-X: A Guide for Kids 9 to 12 and Their Parents [Paperback]
By: Sam Gitchel, Lorri Foster
Sold by:

Since I am an associate, I probably should link those to my ID- but I am feeling lazy right now. There is one duplicate. I was impressed by the breadth of the information in the book.

Now, the challenge is getting him to actually talk about these issues. Sex education is so important, and it is not just about the mechanics of it- it is about the why and when.

I have been reading to him at night from Chicken Soup for the Pre-teen soul, and I am hoping those stories might open the communication. I am pretty determined not to be a young grandmother, at the same time as wanting to raise a sexually healthy young man.

I just wish our society wasn't so bipolar about sex. It makes it so hard to have the important dialogues, while throwing sexuality in children's faces from a young age.