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"Each of us must come to care about everyone else's children. We must recognize that the well being of our own children is intimately linked to the well being of all other people's children. After all, when one of our children needs life-saving surgery, someone else's child will perform it. When one of our children is harmed by violence, someone else's child will commit it. The good life for our own children can be secured only if it is also secured for all other people's children. But to work for the well being of all children is not just a practical matter-- it is also right!" - Lilian G. Katz, Phd.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Life, or something like it

I've been thinking again, and that's always dangerous. Where am I going? What is my purpose? Who am I? I have been making decisions lately with my emotions and not with the facilities of reason. That is how I have consistently screwed up my life.

It is a pattern- a cyclic thing. I am the creator of the pain in my life. Why do I do it? Do I feel I have to punish myself for something? How do I make better choices?

How do I define success? After I define it, how do I reach it?

I need to make goals and define steps to reach those goals, but I can't make decisions on what those goals should be. What do I want out of life? I am flying blind, going from crisis to crisis, from fire to fire. I am tired of a life in crisis. It is time to take charge of my life and move forward. It is time for growth to occur.

  • Move to a rural locale to raise boys
  • Move away from mom
  • finish school
  • Live simply, but well
  • Be able to pay my bills
  • Figure out a career
  • Raise my children
As for the careers, possibilities range:
  • Counseling
  • Policy/Administration (Can I do this from a rural locale?)
  • Entrepeneur/Shop Owner
  • Plus more that come up once in a while
Former goals I have had:
  • Literature Professor
  • Pilot
  • Housewife
  • Childbirth Instructor
  • Technology Consultant
  • Trainer
  • Rancher
  • Sheep Farmer (don't laugh)
  • English Teacher
  • Editor
  • Writer
I know there are more.... Are these all related somehow? What do they tell me about myself? Does this plethora of goals say something negative or postive about me, or both? Or does this give me clues to figure out the road map of my life.

What is the theme of my life?

I have wants:
  • I want to be recognized and acknowledged for what I do.
  • I want to help children and lessen the pain in the world.
  • I want to raise my children and provide for them.
  • I want peace in my life.
  • I want to be around animals, either recreationally or professionally.
  • I want an industrious life.
  • I want to look back on my life, smile, and say "I did that".
I think I should work on this list and develop it more. Maybe if I concentrate on fulfilling my wants, define them further and live by the principles behind them, I will have a happy, fulfilling life no matter what happens.

I saw a book at Barnes and Noble today that I am getting as soon as I can: Og Mandino's University of Success. I got to read through it a bit and was moved. I know my answers can not be found in books, but maybe the questions I need to ask will be. Maybe I am just asking the wrong questions.

I'm on a journey- this is the one thing I know for sure. But, I am feeling lost. I have wandered away from the road and found myself at an unfamiliar crossroads. I am feeling such pressure right now. What path do I chose? It seems like a lot hinges on it right now.